Tyler:

Don't move you slut.

Iowa can't support the robot feature.

Iowa can't kill 5 zombies.

Iowa can't tell scary stories about Homer Simpson and his bike store.

Iowa can't run from the Omnidecasauratron.

Iowa can't shoot the "dude gun"

Iowa can't run in a forest naked.

Iowa can't shave it's happy trail.

Iowa can't cheat on every German quiz ever.

Iowa can't go to Sea World and annoy the hell out of my sister.

Iowa can't have girl hair, even if it gets the girls.

Iowa can't play Resident Evil until 5 in the morning.

Iowa can't buy a movie JUST because the cover has a robot on it.

Iowa can't hang out with Texas, Missouri is in the way.

Texas feels like it's losing a really awesome friend.

/sad