San Juan is epic fail.

Text me so I have something to do other than read A Clockwork Orange (great book anyways).


I don't know why I hate leaving home so much, I'm at the beach but I'd much MUCH rather be at home doing what I do every day.

Wake up at noon, call girlfriend, see girlfriend, eat dinner (making up for not having breakfast or lunch), play starcraft, get ready, play more starcraft, play some counterstrike maybe, watch tv, fall asleep at some time between 3-6.

That's what I'd much rather be doing right now. I fucking hate hotels.

It Flows.

It flows as it grows, streaming from brain to body.
It knows that it flows, teeming with feelings not quite naughty.
I feel it running across my eyes, like the tears in those saying their goodbyes.
It pains me to see the grand operation behind every great creation.
Things seem to me as if they have more than one relation.
They are all derived from the same feeling of shame.
The shame of being something much further from sane.
Something so far it's beyond insane.
Then inverts itself back into sane.
To be there and back again is more than enough to inspire the state I'm in.
Tell god I said, "Let those who are dead be dead."
I don't think I need a heaven to exist in after I've lived and bled.

Welcome to the Dark Age.

I wake up with my eyes closed, it's less dark that way.
I won't cut myself, it's much too aggrandizing.
Who would desire pain when it comes with attention?
Some one who can't feel the depth of eternity.
To be remembered is to live forever.
Who would remember a life of apathy but me?
No one.
But who lives a life of remembering things that won't happen?
Some one.
I'm sure of it.
Please understand, nothing is quite the luster life lacking.
But I assure you it isn't the world that I'm attacking.
It is every sub-human trick I've ever met.
Trapped in euphoria, I can't not escape reality.
I leave the world breathtakingly. Passed up by morality.
I live in over cultured silence.
I dwell in undermining violence.
Pressed up against the walls of my mind, leading myself through the corridors but this time I'm not blind.
I'm much less than that, I'm required by sanity to leave this town and make it my own.
But the rest is vanity that I can't let be known.
Please just let me dwell, it is my walk through Hell.
It will be over as soon as I find a reason to press down my valiance.
And let the horde of demons inside me show their brilliance.
Bring back who I am and what I do, it's what is expected of me.
But really, I have no one else to be.

Tyler:

Don't move you slut.

Iowa can't support the robot feature.

Iowa can't kill 5 zombies.

Iowa can't tell scary stories about Homer Simpson and his bike store.

Iowa can't run from the Omnidecasauratron.

Iowa can't shoot the "dude gun"

Iowa can't run in a forest naked.

Iowa can't shave it's happy trail.

Iowa can't cheat on every German quiz ever.

Iowa can't go to Sea World and annoy the hell out of my sister.

Iowa can't have girl hair, even if it gets the girls.

Iowa can't play Resident Evil until 5 in the morning.

Iowa can't buy a movie JUST because the cover has a robot on it.

Iowa can't hang out with Texas, Missouri is in the way.

Texas feels like it's losing a really awesome friend.

/sad

Say Sorry?

No. I will not. I won't lie more, that's what I'm in trouble for.
Why apologize for anything other than the lies?
I'm not ashamed. I'd feel bad if I were framed, but that's not the case.
I'm sure that you'd wish you could erase, every mistake and wrong I've done.
But I come as I am, and if you can't see that, maybe you're the one to shun.
Life in a series of flash backs, played more and more slowly as they progress.
Hapless and half-wittedly written, but again, I digress.
I will not say sorry
I know you are not worried
stop trying to be my mother
I wish I'd had another
sibling to grow up under
instead of the abusive manipulative lie of a human I've been given.
I am not sorry.
You are not worried.
Leave me be.
Why don't you see?
I'm happy how I am
Accept that as the scam
you've tricked me into.

Chain Letter Love.

I'm not sad which scares me.
But I'm glad it still tears me.
Living walking breathing talking
Nothing is worth it without you.
And maybe after death it'll still be true.

I love you and miss you.

Creton.

(I wrote this about 5 days ago.)


I am this useless format.
And it seems I will always use that
stupid meme I've made to pass the time
Even if I die, it won't ever cease to be mine.

I have lived in my mind long enough to be blind
never see my life from my eyes but the eyes of the millions of flies.
Still regarding the world as if it wasn't a girl
As if I didn't even know, naive with a tainted streak that flows
off the mouths of humans sat in rows.

Play with fire, to get burned is my desire.
Feel it burning, for flight I am no longer yearning.
What I want and what I need, is sure as Hell not to succeed.
Which is odd, cuz I swear to god, failure only means one thing.

Drown in water, to breathe now why would I bother.
Chest is tightening, thoughts racing fast as lightning.
What I want and what I need, is sure as Hell not to succeed.
Which is odd, cuz I swear to god, failure only means one thing.

I have lived in my mind long enough to be blind
never see my life from my eyes but the eyes of the millions of flies.

So what?

So what if I'm dead today
You woulda shot to kill anyways.

So what if my future's gone
All the answers to the questions were wrong.

So what if my thoughts are stupid
whittled down and judged by cupid.

So what if I cannot see
what it is I'm doing to me

So what if I love you now
It'll be gone when I am dead anyhow.

Please live to see, what I can be.
Please lay right here, and be with me.
So don't say that, I don't make you mad
Cuz I still feel the pain of existing in vain.

So what if I have no cash
I'd owe less if the market crashed

So what if I do this on my own
People'd hate me when I get well known.

So what if I can't stand the day
if I'm not with you things can't go my way.

So what if I care too much
about seeing you and feeling your touch.

So what if I love you now
It'll be gone when I am dead anyhow.

Please live to see, what I can be.
Please lay right here, and be with me.
So don't say that, I don't make you mad
Cuz I still feel the pain of existing in vain.

Even if I
cannot stand my
flaws I can't get by
with another temporary high

Even if I
cannot stand my
flaws I can't get by
with another temporary high

Even if I
cannot stand my
flaws I can't get by
with another temporary high

I love you too
much.

I can't get anything
done.

I just want to feel your
touch.

And tell you you're the only one.