You should wake up.

I should find something else to do, instead of wasting my mornings bothering you.
Only thing better than falling asleep, is waking up and feeling less than cheap.
Reverberating off of vibrations, sailing off to different nations.
I guess it's my reason in being pointless and useless.
In finding something better to do, I only find I'm obsessed.
The only thing that's different, is that this morning I'm a little more incompetent.
Devoid of my usual self-proclaimed genius.
Involved in myself and feeling this vicarious.
Defensive of you after seeing myself being apprehensive of me.
Disregard my subtle silence, I'm just trying to figure out who to be.

Yearn for flight.

A young bird that wants to fly, but simply can't, leans towards the end of his nest.
Surely if he attempted to fly, he would fall to the ground. But what he wanted was to soar, but for this he would need more.
Helpless and yearning, the young bird jumped from the nest.
He fixated upon the ground and spread his wings.
He let the wind push under them and he felt himself gaining an upward lift.
Suddenly he thought of his home, and everything he missed about it.
He thought of the safety it provided, and how it all worked for him.
He thought of his mother and everything she'd done for him.
His siblings and all the things they'd been through.
He thought of nothing, but his home.
The bird then hit the ground and all feeling left his body.
His yearn for flight had consumed him until he could no longer see what he really wanted.
The sudden absence threw him into a shock that took from him his life, and his yearn for flight.

Acrylicism.

I'm glad I'm so mad at myself for being this acrylic statue,
unable to move from this continuous state of sub-existence.
I've found I feel nothing between us but the distance.
Maybe one day I'll be shattered and taken from the pedestal I've been placed upon for all to see.
Broken and scattered, with nothing left to do but pick up pieces of me.
Go ahead, nudge the pedestal.
Make me feel.
Make me real.
Seal the deal
and steel the wheel.
This cars flipping fast
And I won't stop it.

How to: Spiral Out of Control.

1. Wake up.
2. Get ready for work/school as you normally would.
3. Stop.
4. Look around and wonder where you are.
5. Close your eyes and wonder why you aren't where you want to be.
6. Continue your morning routine.
7. As you arrive at work/school think about where you want to be.
8. Go there.
9. Enjoy the rest of your time here.
10. Know it will soon be over.
11. Find a few things that bind you here.
12. Cling to them and let go of everything else.
13. Watch it all fall around you.
14. Rejoice.
    

Sounds like blinking.

I hate the way you look at me,
you hate the I way I look to you.
I made they way for getting through
And the only thing that happens to
me happens with a hint of luck that's guaranteed.

The Van Gogh Boom.

There've been talks of starting a band between me and my close friends for a long time.

Like since 7th grade. 6th even.

Yesterday I went out and bought a big ol' fender amp and a brand new violet Ibanez. I've been playing a lot these past few days and we even got a myspace up with two songs from us.

http://www.myspace.com/thevangoghboom

Listen to us yo.

I play bass yo.

<3 yo.

Trees die the hard way.

I want my t.v. to think for me,
help blot out the irony,
cut out all of the tyranny.
I want the internet to speak for me
Meet with myself to disagree
on how I came to be
so stuck up and sapped of glee
No one'll write me a symphony
When I die it's just being free.

Simple yet so complex
outta credit so I'm writing checks
Finding the reason why
I'm always left so high and dry
Convince me that everything will be ok
like my life is all made of clay
reshape it and fix the day
cuz nothing quite went my way

It looks like Four Digit just got numb(er).

I am the Hand Of Zek.
I am what seems like never shuts up.
I am hopelessly depressed, but have a good life.
I detached myself from my family because they aren't half decent humans.
I love so much, but it's never returned.
Save for an occasion or two, but it's only pity.
I have never cut myself, instead I spent hours punching myself in the face.
Self destruction is only as good as the self is bad.
I only see the negative. Like someone inverted the colors of everything.
I know the positives are there, but to me, they too appear as negatives.

I feel as if I am too attached.
Like a bird to an egg that hasn't hatched.
I'll lay with my conscience or at least wallow in it's absence
and try to find a way to apologize.

This was never intended to be my way of speaking
But it's the only thing my heart was seeking
Drawn to the light of you like a fly to an electric current
Not quite the same thing but occasionally concurrent

I assure you I have no future
Though I'm told I'm bright and maybe even charming
The thought of me succeeding still feels alarming
I'd love to win again and again.
I'll watch people do it I'll still never get it.

If she can find a way to cope with this maybe I can too.
I won't lie, she's the greatest girl I ever knew.
That term is derogatory and yet still the closest to true.

Europe.

I went there this past week. We flew into Frankfurt, then drove to France. I bought Lizzy stuff. One thing was sunglasses because Jim threw them in the pool the day before I left and I forgot to get them out, so sure enough by the time I returned they were gone. Damn pool guy.

After we were done with France, we drove along the border of Italy and ended up in Switzerland where we stayed in Interlaken for a night.

Ya know, I really don't have much to say about the trip itself, just how much I missed this place while I was there. I missed the friends, the girl, the house, the cats, the neighborhood, the people I can't stand, and I missed English.

I noticed that when I moved to Miami too. It doesn't matter how bored I am here, or how many people here that I hate, something about Flower Mound draws me to it. I love this place. I don't wanna be anywhere else. There are people here that I wouldn't want to see myself without. If I hadn't met Cody for instance, chances are, I'd live in Miami still. And if not, St. Louis. I also wouldn't know any of my other close friends. I really truly love this town. Despite how desolate it is.


Oh yea, I almost forgot. I also haven't slept longer than 4 hours for the last 4 days. I think I have insomnia. I also have the worst feeling ever in my throat. My tonsils need to be removed. Whenever I swallow, it feels like I'm inhaling a fork. And it's been like this for about...a week now.

K, that is all.